Epilogue

Signing off last night seemed a bit premature as we are now back on dry land. The sail from Loch Spelve was advertised as “likely to be choppy” but in the end, it was absolutely fine and nobody was ill. We bade our final farewells to the crew and our fellow travellers on a wet and misty pontoon in Oban.

How Rob managed in the cot beds is anyone’s guess – he must be 6’ 4” at least! Husbant and I walked along the prom to drop our bags off at our hotel and then headed straight for the Oban chocolate shop. We needed to find a way to fill 4 hours before we had access to a big shower and an even bigger bed.

We managed an hour in the chocolate shop – eating another breakfast (unnecessary) and having more coffee and hot chocolate. When we stood up to leave we both felt quite landsick so tottered out like a couple of drunk tourists. Husbant suggested a tour of the Oban whisky distillery which I wasn’t sure about but we did have to find somewhere warm to dry out. The tour was booked for later in the day as they were fully booked so we went to the Oban War and Peace Museum. Oh my! The lengths you would go to to stay out of the rain and keep warm while feeling a little landsick. I sat through a 15-minute film and examined every piece of memorabilia. Sadly the museum had no public toilets – maybe they don’t expect people to linger – so we had to set off to the ferry terminal so I could spend a penny. But that penny was 50p!! I was outraged but there was no choice and Husbant kindly paid the entrance fee. I used the hand drier to dry my trousers – making full use of the 50p entrance fee.

Next door to the public toilets was a restaurant I had had my eye on from our last visit so we went in and had lunch (again, a warm place to hang around and eat more food). I had langoustines which were delicious and Husbant had deep fried monkfish with chips (I managed to grab a few chips before they became adulterated with ketchup).

Husbant’s lunch at EE-USK
Yummy langoustines

Time for us to get to the whisky distillery – we were both still feeling a bit wobbly. But what a fab idea it was to go for a tour. We were given a wee dram at the start of the tour and two more wee drams around the tour. By the end of the tour, I was no longer landsick. Husbant was still a little woozy but I had given him most of our final free wee dram. I was hoping to buy the 14-year old whisky given we were here celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary, but Husbant preferred the ultra-exclusive, could-only-be-bought-at-the-distillery bottle. Am not complaining though as I am not a whisky lover!

The washback – whatever that is
Two impressive machines that help to make whisky

We staggered to the hotel and were able to check-in. Within minutes we had showered and fallen asleep in the enormous bed!

Just off out for fish n chips. I have eaten my body weight – would be wrong not to honour the Search for Seafood Odyssey on the last day!

Day 4: Ulva to Loch Spelve

Dinner last night was tasty – the sea bass was cooked very well and was great to have some samphire.

Sea bass with samphire

The sunset was also amazing although annoying the sister boat was parked just next to us therefore ruining all the photos..

Annoying boat!

Everyone was a bit tired and exhausted after the rough ride so conversation was a bit intermittent at dinner. Captain Alistair gave us a run down of today’s trip which kind of filled me with a bit of dread. Seven hours sailing back the way we came with potential for some choppy seas. Looking at the route in detail, there were two sections that could be potentially dodgy.

So breakfast at 8am and underway by 8.30… most people took the seasickness tablet. And I positioned myself (and Husbant) on the top deck with a good view of the horizon. So we were all set!

Sun is shining and all is calm

The boat sailed through and round the bit where Husbant had been unwell but there was no swell. It was a bit chilly on deck so once the sun disappeared we ventured down to the saloon. There was no swell once we turned into the Sound of Mull and there was no swell as we rounded into Loch Spelve.

I was bored most of the day. I admit it and Husbant identified it early in the day. I could not just sit and watch the world go by for 7 hours. Wordle, Connections, Guardian cryptic crossword done. Read a bit of my book. Done. Looked at my new recipe book (thanks for the recommendation AnnieB, I love it and the other two foodies on the boat have orders copies too:

I have bought the blackthorn sea salt already…

So we were promised otters, mussels and perhaps a golden eagle at Loch Spelve. It was raining. We had had a lovely soup for lunch on the boat as we were sailing as it was a very flat sea. So having sat doing very little (I did play three games of dominoes and a game of chess – it was that boring), I was definitely up for a trip off the boat despite the pouring rain. As Husbant says, no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.

Three of us braved the rib trip to “dry” land (such a misnomer) and got to the mussel place which had a sign saying ‘Sold out, Mussels due Wednesday’. Bad news for us and worse new for chef. “In Search of Seafood” should probably be rethought although I guess we went searching to seafood but there wasn’t any! The next disappointment was the lack of otters. Husbant reminded me of the time we went diving to Manta Point where we were guaranteed to see Manta Rays. They never showed up. So we now can add No Otter Point – or even better it was otterly pointless. And guess what, the eagle didn’t show either…

So a tough day, in my view. It was a 9-hour sail with very little wildlife or birdlife or sealife. But we did get off the boat and walked in the rain for an hour.

The community forest

Gala dinner lacked mussels but in their place we had haggis, neeps amd tatties, served with a whisky sauce! Very different, but very tasty.

Main dish was beef bavette with lots of trimmings… followed by chocolate marquise with raspberries. A good gala dinner!

Last night in our cot! Am looking forward to spread-eagling in our bed at home and having a cup of tea brought in – although I am not sure the pre-breakfast pastry will happen. Breakfast is at 7.15am and the crossing might be choppy so more seasickness tablets with our porridge tomorrow. We disembark at Oban and spend the day trying not to spend money on silly tat from tourist shops…

Thanks for reading! More adventures to come later in the year.

Day 3: Tobermory to Ulva: 14 Years Married!

What better way to spend our 14th Wedding Anniversary as husband spent an hour being seasick and I was turning green but grittedly staring at the horizon as we sailed from Tobermory to Ulva.

Morning view. The calm before the storm.

The day had started well with the exchanging of cards and a hearty breakfast.

Delicious breakfast

Then we had a great visit to the bridge as Captain Alistair showed us all his instruments and I even got to steer the boat quite a bit (not as hard as it sounds as it only entailed moving a button five clicks to the right every now and then). As it started to get a bit choppy we went back down to the saloon at which point most people sitting there had already turned a bit pale.

A call from Bertie sent me outside to the covered and enclosed area where the seats were dry but there was fresh air and a good view of the land. I gripped the table and willed myself to be well. A fellow passenger groped her way out and sat the other side but conversation was light as we focused on not being seasick. I was thinking about how Husbant might be faring but didn’t chance a move from my spot.

Finally we turn up into Loch Tuath and the sea calmed. As soon as I was able, I went back inside but Husbant was nowhere to be seen. One fellow passenger had fallen asleep, two looked very grey and everyone was quiet. I made my way down to our cabin and there was Husbant sitting on the bed and saying “I have been seasick a few times”. With the boat now longer lurching, I got him to put on a few layers and took him up to sit at the front of the boat in the fresh air. Within minutes he had perked up and we sat in the lovely sunshine admiring the beautiful views.

Everyone had recovered their appetite for lunch which was a delicious spread of hummus, feta and pepper salad with quinoa, lamb meat balls and handmade flat breads with garlic butter from the garlic leaves we harvested yesterday on the walk.

After lunch we all boarded the rib and motored up to a slipway where we disembarked for a walk around Ulva. It was very muddy in parts and a couple of our team slipped and stumbled, with one full fall but into mud so no bones broken. I fashioned a walking stick from a dead branch which seemed to help the situation. It did feel a bit like a walk of the “halt and the lame” – a phrase my mum uses a lot about some of the people who attend her church. But we made it round and sadly didn’t see any herons nesting but we did see some highland cattle and we heard some Scottish pigs.

Am wearing all my clothes as it might have been chilly

Back to the boat where a glass of prosecco and a very moreish chocolate cake awaited us – with a card presented to us from the crew for our wedding anniversary and a toast. Such a lovely gesture.

Chef Nicola had baked chocolate nemesis cake

Just having a rest before dinner which looks great. Here’s what’s on the menu:

Anniversary dinner on board!

Husbant and I have already agreed a swap – I can have his beetroot and he can have my sticky toffee pudding (let’s see how that pans out…)

Anyway – I saw a white-tailed eagle this morning so that was the sighting of the day. Am very happy to be celebrating 14 years with someone I love very dearly who makes me laugh every day. Thank you, Husbant.

Day 2: Loch na Droma Buidhe to Tobermory

Dreams of slipping into a womb-like sleep while being gentle rocked on a boat were just that. Dreams. The reality was that Husbant and I had a space big enough to lie side by side on our backs with our arms straight down our bodies and our feet at right angles at the end of the bed. No bent elbows or legs. I was on the edge so could bend a leg but that meant half my leg was just hanging in air supported awkwardly by a fairly hard wooden lip along the side of the bed. Sleep was the last thing that I could think about. We tried actually cuddling but that only made us too hot – I even thought about just lying on the floor with a blanket at one stage. But I did fall asleep at some point as I was woken up when Husbant had to clamber over me to use the loo. No bad feelings though because I had been to loo at least three times as something to do that wasn’t working out how to lie in bed and fall asleep.

Worse things happen at sea… oh wait, we are at sea. But we both managed a few hours and were woken up at 7am as the engines were started to ensure we had hot water for our showers. No complaints there. The shower was great and big white fluffy towels on a boat are very luxurious.

I made my way onto the deck to do some stretches – given the limited bed space, my body was telling me I had to stretch. I actually did some of those instagram moves I had saved previously (although not the star jumps). It was a brightish sunny morning and the view was great. However, very quickly, it started to rain so I had to cut short the ‘wave your arms around in opposite directions 20 times’ and scuttle back into the boat for breakfast.

Morning view

Generally everyone seemed to be rested although one woman had been freezing all night. More blankets were promised and others readily offered up their water bottles.

Breakfast was full and hearty – porridge and bacon/eggs and scoottiee or scooney. Wasn’t sure what it was but it was delicious.

Breakfast on board

After breakfast we sailed to Tobermory via some cliffs where a pair of white-tailed eagles were usually visible along with many seals. I saw some deer. But that seemed to be it despite the good hour of glancing through the binoculars dodging the rain. We headed for Tobermory and moored up on the pontoon. With an hour to kill, Husbant and I put on all our clothes and wet weather gear to venture onto dry land and find some shops. It poured down but we loved every minute as you can see in the photo below…

Back on board for lunch – a warming bowl of cullen skink which was delicious – accompanied by some first rate focaccia.

Not sure this photo does the cullen skink justice

By this time, I have realised that although this was advertised as a ‘Search for Food’ cruise and one for real foodies, I think Husbant and I are really the only foodies on board. This isn’t a big problem but it makes for limited conversations about the delicious food we are eating. Chef is lovely, though, and we have had some good chats. After lunch we braved the changing weather again and walked to the lighthouse – actually it was sunny most of the way and we walked through loads of wild garlic. We bumped into chef on the walk and swapped our love of wild garlic so I picked some on the way back and she might make some cheese and wild garlic scones tomorrow!

Husbant got to see the white-tailed eagle but it had flown away before I got to use the binoculars. We also saw some oyster-catchers at the lighthouse and some shags. I like shags.

The lighthouse

Back to the boat via some shops – I bought some blackthorn salt and Husbant a tile depicting Tobermory. There was a gorgeous broach in a silver jewellery shop shaped like an axe – not sure why I was drawn to it but I didn’t buy it.

We have just had dinner – scallops with pea puree. The guy who owns Hebridean cruises is on the sister ship and is a scallop diver so he went down and got them this afternoon for us to eat tonight. I have never seen such big scallops and they tasted so fresh. I so wished AnnieB was with me to share in the delightfulness.

Main course was chicken schnitzel with bang bang sauce and a yummy salad;

Followed by an excellent pannacotta with shortbread and rhubarb

Luckily the dinner conversation was more lively. The Americans are definitely on the same wavelength – it’s always a bit sticky these days when you aren’t sure and don’t necessarily want to talk politics.

So tomorrow after breakfast we head for Ulva and I think there is a bit of dinghy stuff which will be exciting.

Am so tired tonight am thinking the narrowness and shortness of the bunk might not keep me up.

Speak soon! Thanks for reading.

Day 1: Oban to Loch na Droma Buidhe

So we arrived safely in Oban amid beautiful sunshine for 5 minutes, then the wind and rain picked up as we staggered the 1 mile to our boutique hotel. The hotel was warm and welcoming and our room had a sea/loch view if you stood far left of the window and twisted your head 90+ degrees. The antler chandelier was thankfully not real but the bed was comfy and the shower easy to operate, although the sliding doors to the bathroom didn’t always slide enough…

We headed out to eat at Coast – a lovely restaurant that had previously been awarded Michelin recognition. I had scallops and langoustines which were delicious. Husbant plumped for hot smoked whisky salmon (delicious) and hake. We had a tasty bottle of Grillo and Husbant got quite tipsy.

We tottered back along the windy prom and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

So the boutique hotel puts a basket with fresh orange juice and pastries outside your door every morning at 7am so you can have a pre-breakfast breakfast. What’s not to like! I woke up and listened for the footsteps from the pre-breakfast fairy. Lo and behold, the soft footed fairy crept up the stairs and left a basket. Sadly the pastries were a mini chocolatine which really only was one mouthful. But I loved the concept and might encourage Husbant to adopt it at home. Why just bring a cup of tea when you could also bring fresh juice and a chocolatine?! No brainer.

Having given up our bags to the boat people, we wandered around Oban looking for a newsagent which sold the FT. It took longer than you might expect. Meantime, Husbant had bought two scarves, some gloves and two beanies. I exaggerate – I bought a beanie. FT procured, we headed to Cafe Shore, a local establishment where tinned french onion soup was available accompanied by a cheese and ham toastie – aka a soup combo. Had to be done. I kept checking out other people to work out if they might be on our cruise. One couple in particular stood out – slightly older than us but looking slightly bewildered – bit like us.

Time to get into the tender and motor out to our home for the next four nights. Everything went swimmingly. I got an inkling that Husbant might be slightly worried but he seemed fine. As you can see from this picture…

After a safety briefing we were shown our cabin and ensuite shower and toilet. So luxurious compared with my previous experience of holidays on boats when there was just a bucket and no shower. The other guests are a writer’s dream. So I think I might introduce them by day.

Strangely – or maybe not so – we are the youngest couple and everyone is from the south of England save for an American couple from Colorado Springs.

Am sure we will end up being great buddies. A few of them are quite deaf so they speak very loudly or very quietly, which can make conversation quite tiring. But it’s early days and the Straits of Hormuz have already come up… am not judging anyone yet.

Very proud of Husbant for embracing the “at sea” adventure. It was a bit choppy when we left the safety of Oban but we arrived a while layer in the Loch of Drambuie (see above for proper name). The weather was good and we saw bottle-nose dolphins, red deer, shags, black guillemots, kitiwakes and manx shearwater. So all-in a pretty good start!

Sailing along Sound of Mull
If you look closely, you can see a dolphin fin

Dinner was more langoustines followed by beef and meringues. Good food!

Eat me!

We are lying in our matchbox bed as the water slurps and gurgles at our porthole. I know I will sleep well. Am hoping Husbant does too (he will have to climb over me to get to the loo so that might be interesting at 2am…)

He is loving it!

All aboard!

A cruise? No way. But it’s true.

On a train from Dunbarton Central to Oban. Wasn’t meant to get on at Dunbarton Central but things happened. A four-night break doesn’t need a large bag, particularly when we are going to be on a smallish ship which has just four berths. Husbant can’t pack light. He admitted as such moments ago and asked for help with this for our next trip.

So having to check in his bag at LHR which contains goodness knows how many changes of clothes, meant that on arrival at Glasgow we had to wait for said bag to arrive on the carousel. And Glasgow airport is so much bigger than I expected. We were cutting it fine to catch our train from Glasgow Queen Street to Oban but the wait was just too long for us to make it. We jumped in a cab and had the friendliest cab driver who suggested driving to the next stop where we could easily pick up our train. Disaster averted!

So Dunbarton Central station – you would think it might have a little cafe. Sadly not – but the sun shone while we waited 30 minutes for our train. As happens a lot, our reserved seats were filled by people who appeared perplexed that they were sitting (and had made camp) in our seats. Graciously they moved to the adjacent seats but so far they have talked non-stop so I have put in my headphones and am listening to some great tunes.

Why do people speak so loudly on trains? I can still hear them prattling on. One of their mother’s is having relationship problems and I have heard every intimate detail. Her friend just seems to be saying “hmmmm” and “oh dear” a lot. Husbant has yet to succumb to his headphones but I don’t think it will be long.

The landscape is amazing so if I turn up my noise cancelling a bit, I could almost be in paradise.

So back to the reason for the planes, trains and automobiles. One night about a year ago, Husbant was in his cups and I had just read an article in my Food and Travel magazine about Hebridean Cruises that enable you to see whales. I knew Husbant had whale watching on his list. So we booked a trip. 10 days at sea exploring the outer Hebrides. About 3 months later, we realised it was probably a bit too technical and was more like a research vessel than a gentle cruise around some pretty islands. And 10 days on a boat seemed about 6 days too long. We changed it to a four-night cruise around Mull especially designed for foodies and foragers – with a “perhaps” sighting of a minke whale. Much more up our street. Plates of freshly caught fish and scallops etc etc.

So heaven awaits. Oh, and did I mention it is our 14th wedding anniversary! Note to self – buy card and gift in Oban…

The first quarter

Slightly later than planned (I guess I can be a little more understanding of those analysts who promised to deliver reports on a certain day and then asked for a few more days), I thought I might share some insights into what the first 3 months of being retired look like for me. In fairness (terrible expression), I did a one-month update so I can skip repeating that (unlike analysts who just used to cut and paste from previous reports for padding out purposes).

First off, i spent some time before retiring saving some “do these three simple exercises when you wake up and you will lose 5kgs in a week/feel 10 years younger/look 15 years younger” videos on Instagram and I can assure you that that was a waste of time. I really thought I would wake up and spring out of bed with new-found vigour and do 20 star jumps, swing my arms left, right, centre, up, over and round and round, hop on each leg for a minute – all these things. I wake up, check the time, and then close my eyes and just marinate in all that lovely pre-get up dreaminess. Husbant brings up a cup of tea which sometimes (mostly?) is less than lukewarm when I attempt to drink it. The other day he even asked if I was still subconscious (it was about 9am I guess). But the planning you do in those first hours of waking is vital! I sort out all sorts of things that I am going to do….

We have been away to celebrate Husbant’s XXth birthday. Dungeness isn’t likely to be on anyone’s ‘must see before I die list‘ but I would advise going before it becomes overrun. A misty bleak early weekend in March is the best time to visit. We stayed in The Shingle House (long story but we were meant to be staying in The Dune House near Thorpeness but I actually messed up the booking) which was gorgeous and sat back from a very wide and quite protected shingle beach right opposite the abandoned nuclear power plant. I can hear some people’s minds questioning the beauty but it was eerie, atmospheric and beautiful. Derek Jarman’s Rose Cottage was just next door to where we stayed and the walk to the sea was across a shingle beach littered with extras from spooky films. The sea was a grey green – not a speck of blue to be seen. There is a fab coffee caravan that serves delicious coffee and a fish shack that should have a Michelin star – the lobster/scallop rolls were so tasty. Again – just a little shack by the sea with the freshest fish cooked and served beautifully.

Chatting to the Ness Cafe caravan lady, she explained it was heaving in the summertime – with cars parked everywhere and mayhem. I was so glad to see it in its quiet time and not sure I fancy the busyness of summer. We also took the small steam train from Dungeness to the next stop as we thought there might be a cafe at the next station. Sadly it was a deserted ‘no man’s land’ so we endured a slightly chilly half hour wait for the train to come back. I invented a game of “find a round stone, find a stone with a hole through it, and find an interesting stone” with the promise of prizes for the best entries…

In that weird way that seems to happen more and more, there was a programme on Radio 4 just as I was writing this about the RNLI at Dungeness. What are the odds?

I took my mum up to see the Constable and Turner exhibition at Tate Britain. She is 94 and is incredible. She loved going round the exhibition and there were the right amount of sofas for us to stop and contemplate the paintings. She was so proud that Bella’s name was on the wall and wanted her photo taken next to it.

The Duchess of Binscombe

Following in Turner’s footsteps (errr – sort of) at the start of April I went to stay on Anglesey with one of my best friends who I love dearly and is a de facto brother. We drove to Dolbadarn Castle which was one of Turner’s earliest oil paintings and the painting that was approved by the RA when he was elected as an Academician. Not so murky and mysterious as the sun peeped out every now and then. The beaches on Anglesey are some of the best I know – empty, enormous stretches of sand. Bit chilly to swim as yet but to walk by the sea is so much better than doing 50 star jumps and swinging my arms like a whirling dervish.

Castle Dolwyddelan (near Castle Dolbadarn)

I spent four days in Cambridge staying in an Airbnb close to Fitzwilliam College where Bert spent a couple of years. I love Cambridge – you almost feel more intelligent just walking along the street passing all those places where really clever people studied and invented things. The only downside is really annoying tourists who forget that they are obstructing the narrow pavements while trying to work out where to go – and I guess being retired I just get to wander at my own pace and probably annoy some bright young things rushing to their next lecture. The airbnb was probably one of my worst experiences – and of course I didn’t write a review. But I did contact the owner and explain a full equipped kitchen should include a potato peeler, a sharp knife, a sieve, a handheld mini blender, a couple of chopping boards and a cafetière that works. He thanked me for my suggestions and said he would love to receive a five star review so that he could also write me a five star review. He is probably still waiting…

It was while sipping a flat white in Kettle’s Yard that I felt the first warm rays of spring on my face and luckily, with a little hiccup for a few days, the sun has come out for longer. All the bulbs I planted have sprung into flower – well a few got nibbled by the deer a few weeks ago but that’s just nature. So the only thing I have done that made me think “oh God I am now really one of those old ladies that do (Husbant edit says this should be “does”) person things” is that I went to a spring flower picking event. In true Snoo style, I hadn’t read the small print so it turned out to be more of a pick the flowers and arrange them in a vase event. Luckily my lovely friend Sue was fully supportive of the slight change in experience so we wandered around picking daffodils and other spring flowers and proceeded to plonk them in a vase. We were definitely two of the younger attendees and we both thought a few professionals (aka those ladies that do church flowers) might have slipped in. Whatever, we were both very happy eventually with our flower arrangements – let me know what you think. We also thought we got as good, if not even better, results when just undoing the bunches of flowers and sticking them as is in a jug. The flower farm is less than 5 minutes walk from home and they have pick your own flowers throughout the summer every other Friday for a tenner – good to know if you need to spend a nice hour or so picking flowers!

My first arrangement

So the first quarter has ended in bright sunshine. I have spent every day filled to the brim with enjoyment – my lovely Aussie mates and their gorgeous boys came for a night and we did multiple easter egg hunts, Husbant and I went to Ronnie Scott’s (a first for me) to see the amazing Sheila E play, and we went for a 21k+ walk on Good Friday around Bethlehem and Galilee in Wintershall estate (Husbant took a few days to recover from that one). Roll on Q2 which is already fully booked with adventures.

Be seeing you!

Days Inn, M6 Toll services

Husbant has bought a new car. Not brand new but new to him. Same colour as the old car but a different shape at the back. New car means a trip to an industrial estate close to the M6 Toll services to get a new grill* fitted to stop small birds being sucked in when warp speed is reached. We aren’t talking cooking equipment, by the way.

We have a joke about the Days Inn at the M6 Toll services. Husbant took his previous car to the special garage a few years ago to have a new grill fixed. While it was being fitted, he booked into the Days Inn so he had somewhere to work. He had to book the room for the whole night but didn’t stay.

There is an episode in Modern Family where Phil and Claire Dunphy go to a hotel for Valentine’s night. Phil takes on the persona of Clive Bixby, a visiting salesman at a conference at the hotel. They meet in the bar of the hotel pretending they don’t know each other. But, as expected, things go horribly wrong in a very funny way. Watch it if you can! So whenever we have a pit stop on our way to the Lakes or to Manchester, we remember Clive Bixby. When Husbant said he had to get a new grill for his new car, and was planning to rent a room, I took this to mean we could do the Clive Bigsby thing for real. My expectations weren’t that high in terms of what the Days Inn would offer but, being retired and taking on a more supportive role, I suggested we go up and spend the night together so that Husbant could be first at the garage to get his new grill fitted.

All started well with a trip to Bicester, Husbant’s favourite shopping destination. I am not a fan of shopping outlets or clothes shopping in general. Husbant’s two jackets and a pair of shoes later, we went to the Ottolenghi restaurant which is my favourite bit of Bicester. They also have a La Tua Pasta place which does great pasta. We had a delicious meal – I had a pumpkin curry and Husbant had Ottolenghi fish and chips which were very tasty. I opted for a non alcoholic cocktail which was really good and spicy. So with our bellies full we headed up the M6 Toll to the services. I had a little nap in the car which had consequences later but I run ahead of myself.

Parking up in front of the Days Inn, we made our way to the door of the hotel and there was a tiny kiosk with a receptionist squeezed into it. I thought Husbant might have booked in the name of Bixby, but that was just my active imagination. We were given the keys to room 8 and I got the impression that Husbant had worked in the very same room on his last visit.

How can I describe it? Hmmmm. I have seen many hotel rooms in my lifetime. Some very grand and some that had more of a brothel feel. I would place Days Inn M6 Toll services towards the lower end. There was a bed with pillows and a duvet. There was a weird sofa with unidentifiable stains. The bathroom was ok but had a red resin floor that went up the sides of the wall a bit. The taps could have been cleaner and the hot tap was the cold tap so some sort of plumbing issue was evident. The towels had that weird smell and stiffness that you find in some less-than-nice hotels – it’s hard to use a smelly towel to dry a freshly cleaned body. The smell is reminiscent of a old tea towel that you have put in the laundry basket and forgotten about for a few days (or is that only me?)

Anyway, with no bar and just a Burger King open in the services, we settled in for the night. The TV worked and Husbant checked every channel available until I started to get a headache so we agreed an old Have I Got News For You. It was a good one, hosted by Stephen Mangan (phoar). It was the missing words headline that got me thinking: “Adventurous pensioner plans to spend six weeks…..” . So, for context, this episode was in May 2025 when I had no real plans to be a full- time pensioner. But now I am a full-time pensioner, I was intrigued by what the rest of the headline revealed (I admit I really do want to go on more adventures).

In May 2025 I probably would have laughed out loud but in February 2026 I am thinking that sounds quite exciting. I need to get out more.

The 10 o’clock news and Match of the Day followed and then it was time for lights out and sleep. The Days Inn rooms have thin walls. So it was almost like sleeping in a dorm. Someone had a terrible cough – although it sounded worse than a cough. I fell asleep quite quickly. But then 2.26am I woke up and that was really the end of my night. Someone not in our room was snoring very loudly – it was almost as if he were in the bed. Then someone in the bed started snoring. It was almost the first and second movements of a symphony and I had a front row seat. Then I started itching – like the bed had a million bugs. Then I started trying to go back to sleep. That never works – every tool in my sleep box was used. Eventually, I must have fallen asleep as I woke up to Husbant saying the car park was filling up already with early travellers…

So I am a bit of a grumpy person today.

A few things have also transpired. Firstly, it’s President’s Day so Husbant isn’t working so we didn’t really need to come up and stay over. The grill is being fitted but won’t be ready until 4pm. That is in 6 hours. We are sitting in a windowless room on an industrial estate. But there is always a rainbow…. The kind people here have offered to take us to the nearest shopping outlet to spend the day there. And you know how much I love shopping outlets…

*have been told it is a grille not a grill

Behind the Scenes

It’s an SA’s life

Having a few metres between me and my career has given me the time to remember the highs and lows. And also the whys. Mostly, the SAs are regarded as obstacles and fun sponges. Maybe an analyst might read this and understand that we are ‘facilitators’ and ‘bacon-savers’ and are “here to help”.

Am sure someone has done all the statistics, but the number of human beings that are Supervisory Analysts is very small. No-one goes to school and thinks, “I want to be an SA when I grow up”. Most people don’t know what an SA is or does, including (at times, I have found) the SAs.

My introduction to the world of SAs was at Goldman Sachs. Three people had their Series 16 licence and were thus Supervisory Analysts. One was the head of research, one was an insurance analyst, and the third was a guy in the New York office. Given that all the equity research written in Europe that was distributed into the US had to be reviewed and signed off by an SA, these guys were busy. It was early days so not particularly high volumes, but they were very efficient and hardly ever asked for more information or made changes. I remember sending a pdf to the US for SA approval – it was a massive 100+ page outlook. It was returned in 10 minutes as approved. I was amazed.

I was encouraged to make the move from being an editor to getting my Series 16 licence. The carrot was a much higher salary given the scarcity of Supervisory Analysts in London. A two-day course delivered by a visiting guru and some studying and learning of the regulations, with a basic knowledge of a company’s accounts seemed an achievable task. However, what I didn’t take into account was that being a single parent, with two small children, working full-time left little extra time for said study and absorption. At that time, you could only sit your 3-hour exam on the third Saturday of every other month, starting at 9am at the Polytechnic of North London in Holloway. Not easy juggling that with little ones. In fact, the first time I sat it, my daughter was about 3 months old, and I had to get her grandma, Carmel, to come over and look after her while I went to sit the exam. The only thing I remember about that day is that I made Carmel some scrambled eggs and she hovered over me, watching closely. When I served it up, she praised me for making the eggs in the proper way – just eggs and butter – and that I hadn’t ruined them by adding milk or water. I passed the scramble eggs test but not the Series 16 exam. You had to call up 4 weeks after sitting the exam to see if you had passed, and then you would have to apply to sit the exam in the next round.

I struggled with it. The carrot was very carroty. But I felt like I had given my brain away to each of the little ones and the logistics were becoming tougher each time. I turned up once to sit the exam and was refused entry – they couldn’t tell me why – whether there was an admin problem so my name wasn’t on the list, or maybe I had sat it too many times, and there were no new questions for me to try. (The answer sheet was the old-fashioned 2B pencil strike through multiple guess type.) Eventually, while working at the Italian bank where the pressure on work/life balance was much lower, I was encouraged to take it again. I had decided in my mind that this was my last attempt. The lady in the US who you had to call to get your result knew my voice by now so every time I called up she would give me the sad news but then encourage me to try again. I also decided to take a risk and move jobs between sitting the exam and getting the result, with a provision that if I had passed, my salary would be adjusted accordingly. Happily, at the start on January 1999, the lady was excited to tell me I had finally passed the exam and I became a registered SA on 13 January 1999.

So, armed with my shiny new licence, I was the first and only SA in the also shiny new office of DLJ in London. Most of the European analysts did not really understand what I did, and the increasing volumes of research during the dotcom boom, meant a lot of reading and signing physical printouts of all the reports for record-keeping. How many trees died in those days – shocking.

So while the job was to make sure the research wasn’t misleading, the language wasn’t exaggerated or flamboyant, that the rating and target price were based on sound reasoning, it was really just editing with an extra badge. All the editors I have worked with have also become SAs or are as vigilant as an SA. It was the dotcom era and valuations were pretty interesting. Some analysts were always grateful if you spotted a slight wrong number somewhere, some were downright rude and dismissive (not many – just a handful) and some provided some very funny typos which we were sometimes tempted to leave in the report. A few times when changing jobs, and meeting analysts who had made the same move, I had read two versions of their initiation reports in under two years… I got to know that sector pretty well.

As the research world expanded and the regulations adapted, we had to become more alert to potential hazards. Sadly, some research became quite bland as the view was taken that, for example, film or song titles were inappropriate in titles for research reports. A few analysts did seem to think that they had to have funky titles to get their research to stand out and on many occasions I agreed with them. But the world was changing. So trying to find solutions to what the analyst wanted, what the ever-increasing regulations required, and what management deemed as best practice was not always an easy task.

I think most analysts still see the Supervisory Analysts as grumpy, nit-picking, perhaps unnecessary impediments to publishing their research. And yes, like analysts, we come in different shapes and personalities. At times, I have felt like the SA team is regarded as a (typing) pool of people sitting around waiting for someone to send in a report, and mostly just chatting or staring into space. When the analyst sends in their report, it is the most important item to be read and reviewed that minute – and as it has no mistakes in it, it doesn’t really need a review etc etc. It would have been helpful to swap jobs for a day with an analyst. With 50+ analysts telling you theirs is the most important report, there were some difficult conversations. It is interesting how people react under stress, and I seemed to find it easier to become less stressed when someone is shouting at me. I think it was a natural instinct to just stay still. Some animals that are threatened just freeze.

While the job of the SA is to look for potential errors, it is also their job to come up with different ways of expressing the same ideas but in a more compliant way. So rather than “profits and share prices will soar”, we would suggest “profits and share prices likely to rise sharply”. Same idea, just not promising the earth and all that’s in it. But I get that it would seem less exciting – and maybe chatgpt would come up with something better.

As time went on, more and more reports were deemed by research management and compliance to fall under the definition of research provided by FINRA. Having read the rules, I did try and talk through the interpretation and stance taken – just because the SA role was getting too encumbered by checking lists against other lists. This did feel less like adding value to a report and the analysts could not understand why a 50-page report of “just charts” needed to take longer than a sparrow’s fart to review and approve.

With the coming of AI, it will be interesting to see how the role of an SA will evolve. By the time I left, it had moved from being a very editorial-heavy job, to being quite a box-ticking exercise. Technology has really helped the job of an SA – with some so much better than others. Some workflows were magic – others seemed to have stopped being developed in the late 1990s. So long as the technology doesn’t end up delaying publication, or adding unnecessary obstacles or introduce too many false negatives or positives, it can help both the analysts and the SAs save time and relieve some monotony.

In the end, you want to feel like it has been a satisfying day in the office, that you have spotted something that the analyst hadn’t seen and you have worked with someone to make their lives feel better. Maybe not a career as an SA then…

HTSI – Retirement

Three weeks in and I am happy to say nothing has changed. I admit that I have been prepping for ‘Retirement’ for quite some time, so it would never come as much surprise. A number of people still seem to be baffled at the whole retirement thing; “But what are you going to do? Have you decided to take up golf? Are you going back to uni? Are you going to learn how to play tennis?” Happily the answer is No to all of the above. I think the word retirement needs to be updated. It probably has and I missed it. Was it Gary Neville that famously described a long weekend break as a mini retirement? Any suggestions of a better way to describe the time spent after you stop work until you just stop would be very welcome.

I have no urges to do anything new in my life. I guess starting retirement at the beginning of the year could be similar to making a New Year Resolution. Have never been able to stick at anything for very long which isn’t always helpful but I know in my heart that if I say I will do XYZ every morning, or ABC three times a week, it will happen for maybe two weeks tops.

A few people asked me if I had any plans for my retirement. My stock answer was more travel and walk more. Maybe get a dog (Husbant agreed to this while in merriment over the Christmas period but denies all knowledge. Plus I have never owned a dog so would have to learn how to be a dog owner – see earlier comment about sticking at things). So yes I am excited at the thought of being able to travel at anytime rather than squishing it in during the three months between working for three weeks and having another three months off. And to visit new places is high on the agenda. Arriving in a city that I have never been to gives me a thrill. It is a great balance between being a bit nervous and excited. Scientists or medical people might explain it as a rush of adrenaline, or maybe a fight/flight response. I think I am more of a flight person really.

Despite the idea of spending more time travelling to new places, I have spent most of my retirement in Barbados. I think I have written about our trips to Barbados before but it is a very special place. To wake up and go swimming in a warm sea that is 20 paces away from your front door and spend some time just reading, eating and having the occasional rum-infused cocktail is pretty good for the mind. But it does feel different this time. I realise I am very lucky to be able to come here. Having a birthday in a hot place after many, many years of cold birthdays (and even a few on the annual Blue Monday when apparently everyone is depressed except me) is very lovely. Am happy to make an exception to my new rule of only going places that I haven’t been to already. I also admit I will be going back to Sicily later in the year, and to Bristol. But I am also going on a cruise (no, not that sort – more of a fine-dining/gourmet/catch your dinner on a small boat off Skye) and walking in the Dolomites. i would like to investigate a month’s train pass for Europe, or a cycle on a new route in the UK. Or Mexico.

As Arthur Daley said: The world is my lobster.